Substituting for a colleague who leads a grief group, this reflection on coping was shared by someone in the group. Written by Dr. Murray Feingold, it suggests that by focusing on how fortunate we are to have had lost love ones in our lives, we can help ourselves to feel better about the loss. But is that true?
For me, the answer is yes… and no.? That response will probably not surprise any TWD readers who have followed my reflections on how I have dealt with my dad’s death, and here is what I mean:
Gratitude, as more and more experts have demonstrated, is probably the single most helpful attitude we can cultivate in seeking happier and healthier lives. At the same time, I am increasingly convinced that healing also requires fully honoring the hurt and even misery we feel when we lose someone we love.
We need to honor the hole in our lives which loss creates, before we patch that hole with the gratitude and love which are the materials that help us become whole again.
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”