We seem to be endlessly fascinated with the topic of forgiveness, more often about granting it or receiving it than about seeking it. But the following news video about a mother in Texas – who invited a local station’s cameras to accompany her as she confronted a remorseful drunk driver, imprisoned and awaiting trial for gravely injuring her young child – actually raises all three issues.
Although parts of the clip are hard to watch, this video report is worth a few minutes. It brings to mind these questions for me: Are there some objective limits regarding what transgressions can be forgiven? Are some things truly unforgivable – or are the limits of forgiveness a function of those being asked to forgive?
Could it be that the issue isn’t so much about (supposedly) objective limits, nor about the limits of the people involved? What about the role of time?
In the case of this distraught mother, Loubna Khader, five years had passed between the driver’s act of criminal negligence and her visit to confront him. He voluntarily agreed to her visit, and reportedly expressed remorse. But after shouting “I’m never going to forgive you!” at the inmate, Khader told a reporter, “I tried so many times to convince myself to forgive him….But the minute I saw him, I just saw the devil in him.”
Is it possible that when it comes to seeking, granting or receiving forgiveness, we’d do better to do away with words like “never” and “forever,” and instead use words like “for now” and “one day”?
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”