I have spoken with three friends in the last 36 hours, all of whom lost their moms in the past year, about how they deal with Mother’s Day, and I’ve come to a conclusion about the potential power of celebrating “Day After Mother’s Day,” for those who find themselves in that position.
For some who have lost their mom (or for members of the family), it may seem morbid – or a bit uncomfortable, at least – to focus on a departed mother on the holiday of Mother’s Day itself. Why not dedicate the day after Mother’s Day to that purpose?
It’s a day for repairing what remains broken, or to celebrate the beautiful bonds you built together.
As it turns out, this idea is being championed by Hope Edelman, author of the classic grief guidebook Motherless Daughters. She believes it’s particularly important and helpful for women facing the holiday (typically so joyful) with only memories of their moms. In Edelman’s opinion:
“Mother’s Day weekend can be a double-edged sword. Motherless women –as well as daughters who have estranged or difficult relationships with their mothers – really have no culturally sanctioned way to recognize their mothers on Mother’s Day. So we’re free to create our own.”
While I don’t at all deny the unique relationship between mothers and daughters, I also embrace the equally unique relationship between mothers and sons. We can embrace this idea for all who look for a way to celebrate the ongoing love between children and their mothers, even after the death of the latter. I get it, they are really dead, but that doesn’t mean that they are really gone.
Whether it’s a day for repairing what remains broken, or for celebrating the bonds you built together during her lifetime, the day after Mother’s Day can be a beautiful time when your mom is no longer alive, but can still be very much present in your life.
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”