I’ve always been a planner. Even as a child, I used to come up with extensive plans for our day, for how long it would take me to read books, do homework; I’d plan my whole life on the pages of my father’s blueprint papers. But I’ll tell you what happened to those immature life blueprints from my childhood–God wrecked them!
My life is nothing like I imagined all those years ago! I don’t have the 5,000 sq ft house with marble staircases or a private jet. I didn’t have my PhD in clinical or child psychology by the age of 30. I don’t even have a passport, nevermind traveling to one country per month before I turned 25.
Comparing my life in reality to that of which I dreamed of for many years would be like pairing a zucchini with a grape.
I never saw myself as a mother or wife. In fact, I respected others in those positions, but never applied any value of being a wife or mother toward myself. I remember thinking to myself on multiple occasions, “Why would I waste my life being a mom or wife when there are so many other things to do in the world?”
You see, my plans included other, greater accomplishments.
For a while, I felt isolated, because the love for my family was not enough to make me forget the sting of the long-lost plans I’d had for my future.
I remember when I felt the shift in my thinking and it hit me all at once. I attended my local women’s group and the topic was grief. I never thought in a million years I’d have an awakening in my passion for life while talking about grief, but I did.
When the group leader asked, “What plans and crushed dreams do you need to grieve so you can move on with your new life?” I gasped and everyone stared at me. All I could do was keep holding my breath. That was it. That was the question I didn’t even know I needed to answer. In my mind, I saw the blueprints I’d drawn up as a child and the bullet points clear as day. My answer to the question? I had to give up those blueprints; I had to give it up to move on.
God didn’t really wreck my plans, but I experienced a shift in my own life’s plans based on the series of decisions I’d made leading up to that moment. I’ve since graduated from blueprint pages to beautifully decorated and detailed planners. I am wife by choice. I am a stay-at-home mother by choice. I am a freelance writer and tutor by choice. I am a published nonfiction author and soon-to-be published children’s book author, by choice.
I had to let myself “off the hook” for no longer esteeming corporate or material success to be the peak of my existence. That night, after six years of holding my breath, I exhaled. And I whispered to God, I’m okay with this new set of plans.
I think many of us have an issue with change; especially when we have invested time, research, money, and our emotions into a fail-proof plan. Truth is, when that outcome is not the exact result of what we’d hoped for, we are often disheartened, angry, and grieved by our “failures.”
Each day, I encourage you to remember Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” In the demands of motherhood and marriage, you will find yourself overwhelmed with the responsibility; the weight of your position’s assignment. This is a great time to seek God for peace and reminders of joy and gratitude. There is value in being a mother. There is value in being a wife. There is value in ANYTHING God puts His hands on.
Understand that the value in your wrecked life’s plan is NOTHING compared to the course of your life directed by the Lord. Don’t let the resentment of wrecked plans (no matter how greatly orchestrated and thought out they were) keep you from living life!
One thing that I know is the life I’m living right now is flawed, but in many ways much better than I could have ever imagined. I’m at peace with my life’s plans today and I trust that the days coming are better than anything I could ever dream up. I do my part of being a good steward over my talents and gifts and am continuously blown away by God’s amazing grace and favor.
I’m still an avid planner, but I welcome God to “wreck” my plans. And let me tell you why, every time He’s wrecked my plans, He has provided more than I could have ever hoped for.