Being tempted by people, things or behaviors which may not be so good for us is part of being human.? I even think that succumbing to those temptations is part of being human, and not necessarily in a bad way, either?- at least not always.? But clearly, there are plenty of times when we want to resist, when we need to resist, or when we regret not resisting.? What helps in those moments?
How do you deal with being tempted by something that you would otherwise not want to do or be a part of?? To be clear, I am not talking about wrestling with an addiction, which is far more serious than a temptation.? Addiction has its own dynamics and requires professional help.? I am talking about finding the capacity to resist that drink you don’t need, that person who really isn’t for you, etc.? It’s not so easy, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t help yourself to be better at resisting temptation.
As someone who has wrestled with weight control almost my entire life, I am no stranger to this question.? And I do realize, especially with food, that the line between temptation and addiction can get fuzzy, let alone the role that biology plays when it comes to at least many, if not all, of the things we would otherwise choose to resist.? But there are some things we can do.
- Don’t go it alone!? Even if you can’t “phone a friend” in the moment, or have them right beside you, you can stop and think about the other people who will be adversely affected if you give in.? You can remember that you are not alone, and that what you do has implications not only for you, but for other people about whom you care.? It can be so much easier to resist temptation when you do so not only for yourself, but as a gift you offer others.
- Think about the bigger picture.? Ask yourself to make the decision about indulging or not, not in the context of “is it worth it”, to which the answer is almost always, “yes”.? Ask yourself instead, how indulging either takes you closer toward or drives you farther from what you want in life.? At least that way, your internal debate will be between competing desires and not desire vs. discipline, where the former always stands a better chance in the final analysis.
- Offer yourself an alternative reward for each temptation you resist. This is not about living in some eternal moral boot camp.? This is about creating health and happiness -in both the long and shorter terms.? So don’t put yourself in the position of saying “no”, without an alternative to which you can say “yes”.
We won’t always resist temptation, and like I said, we probably don’t need to.? But these three steps will help us when we want to try.
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”