It doesn’t take the genius of Einstein or the compassion of Mother Teresa to realize that bullying is bad. But it may take a combination of new information and wisdom to actually curb the practice of bullying and other forms of childhood/adolescent violence.
As part of a recent university study, a New Zealand primary school suspended most recess rules, and observed a significant drop in bullying, vandalism and school violence – not to mention an increase in classroom attention by students. To be clear, they didn’t invite kids to brings weapons to the playground or encourage fights. But according to the study, the school did allow full-contact sports, mudslides, tree climbing, wrestling, and even resisted intervening in all but the most serious physical encounters between kids.
This experiment forces us to confront the difference between totally insulating children, and accepting somewhat increased levels of risk.
While several teachers and parents initially feared a the “Lord of the Flies” environment, many of their objections ended when they saw kids who were healthier, safer, more attentive and generally treating each other with greater decency and civility.
So how did this happen? There’s no one explanation for this phenomenon (is there ever one answer, when it comes to human behavior?), but there’s clearly a relationship between allowing kids greater latitude at leisure time, and increasing their ability to self-regulate at all times. In general, we might all resist these findings (a piece of me sure does!) in the name of keeping our kids safe, this experiment forces us to confront the difference between totally insulating children, which can backfire, and accepting somewhat increased levels of risk (and pain) as useful, helpful guides toward long-term health and safety. Confronting and accepting, however, are two very different things!
Ridding ourselves of rules and learning to accept that danger and failure are part of our lives, including our kids’ lives, is a difficult challenge. Yes, it seems like millions of people cheer the notions of “daring greatly” and “the blessings of a skinned knee,” but as Jessica Lahey points out in The Atlantic, parents get a whole lot more circumspect when it’s their kid who may skin their knee, or outright fail.
Where do we go from here? That depends. We can do better at accepting the pain and danger part of growing up. More importantly, we might begin to look at that study from New Zealand and consider that, like most of life, it’s all about trade-offs; typically, the more serious the challenge, the bigger the trade-off will be in order to achieve the benefits.
A question for all parents: How much does bullying really bother us if it’s not our kid who’s targeted? Do we care enough about ending the culture of bullying that we could endorse the counter-intuitive notion of allowing more chaos on the playground? Does our need for short-term order outweigh our aspiration for all children’s (including our own) long-term safety and healthy development? I wonder…

Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”