How many times have I – or my wife, or most any parent I know – heard the words, “Don’t you trust me?” from a child who’s frustrated by our unwillingness to acquiesce to an unwise idea?
Well, it turns out that American politicians tend to ask us the same question. The difference is, with our children, the answer is that we probably do trust them, just not the idea they propose. With our politicians, is that the case? Isn’t it true that we just don’t trust most of them all that much?
Trust is among the most valued and valuable assets in our lives, and it’s taking a beating on many fronts – but none as severe as on the political front. Whether you follow politics closely or not, the “death of trust” insights in this New York Newsday column by Michael Dobie have an affect on all of our lives.
We have many reasons to be cynical about political leaders, but at some level, cynicism is a choice we make.
As Dobie points out, Confucius teaches that all rulers (nations) need three things: weapons, food and trust. But it’s trust which is the most important. And if you take that down to personal relationships, most of us can remember times when we’ve managed to work through tension, even loss of love – but when trust really dies….well, you get the point.
How I differ with Dobie is that where he sees the “death of trust” in politicians as entirely their fault, I see the building and maintaining of trust as more of a two-way street. We surely have many good reasons to be cynical about many political leaders, but at some level, cynicism is a choice we make just as much as trust is.
Of course, evidence matters, and we all have our breaking points beyond which there’s no going back – whether it’s trusting our leaders, or our personal relationships. No one should be anyone else’s patsy forever. On the other hand, the reason they call it trust, not certainty, is because it demands an investment beyond immediate evidence, or at least the willingness to see our role in the relationship and its future.
Trust, be it in politicians or loved ones, can shrivel and die for complex reasons. It’s not simply that someone behaves badly and then we stop having faith in them. Thank about how often we put up with troublesome people, while at the same time asserting that similar behavior in someone else is “proof” of their untrustworthiness.
In the case of the general public’s relationship with politicians, my issue is that it’s not only bad behavior by individual politicians eroding our trust. Many voters have come to equate trustworthiness with a degree of agreement, and that’s a serious problem; difference and/or disagreement are often experienced as deceit and betrayal.
With virtually any information we want never more than a Google search away (information which will usually confirm what we already believe), nobody is ever just “wrong” anymore, they are lying. But actually, sometimes people are just wrong – or, even more radically, they disagree with us and yet they may turn out to be right!
Working on our own ability to appreciate those possibilities has got to be central to restoring trust. When it comes to private life and those in public life, if we want to rebuild trust, we all want the other person to do better after having let us down. But we have to participate, too. It not only takes two to tango, as the old saying goes, it also takes two to trust.
For more insights about trust, including a video discussion, click here.

Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”