How best to keep yourself on the path to maximum success and happiness? Or, at the very least, avoid finding yourself in situations you come to regret? Those were the questions that animated much of a long New Year’s lunch I enjoyed recently with friends. Perhaps it was the time of year, perhaps it was the wine; probably, it was a bit of both.
While it’s clear that we can’t protect ourselves against all the tough stuff that life throws our way, we can make decisions that position us to enjoy life more. About that, we all agreed. The question was, and remains, how best to do that.
As the conversation unfolded, I listened and realized how strongly people felt that the key lay in protecting ourselves?effectively (and our kids and loved ones) from the “wrong” people, from risky situations, from misplaced trust. Success, for the proponents of this approach, translated into choosing wisely about from what/whom we should protect ourselves, and sticking to that path.
We cultivate greater happiness not by protecting ourselves from, but by reaching out to, as many people and ideas as possible.
It’s not like I don’t identify with that defensive impulse – I do. Too often, I allow that instinct to shape my own decision-making processes. But I don’t think it’s really the best way to go, at least not as often and as enthusiastically as my lunchmates did.
Rather than spending quite as much time and energy worrying about all the various people and things we need to protect ourselves from, I think we need to focus more on making connections. Who can we associate with, what experiences can we seek out, that improve our day-to-day lives? I am increasingly certain that, however counter-intuitive it may be for many of us, we cultivate greater happiness not by protecting ourselves from, but by reaching out to, as many people and ideas as possible.
Certainly, a wisely lived life balances those needs for both protection and connection. As 2015 opens before me, I hope that I find the wisdom, courage and faith to tip the scales increasingly toward connection. I hope we all do.

Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”