Some say that we live in an age without heroes. Do you think that is true? Well, even if it is – even if we no longer have people who walk among us who seem larger than life – we surely have not lost the ability to admire others. The question is whom do we admire, and why them? Perhaps it was the video below about a former skinhead, or perhaps it was a recent conversation with my 12 year-old daughter, but the question of whom we admire and why we do so, has been on my mind.
Do we admire people because of their remarkable moral or ethical character – their ability to rise to a challenge that we’re not so sure we could handle? Isn’t that the story of former Neo-Nazi TJ Leyden, who managed to forge a new life for himself, despite the very real danger in doing so?
Do we admire people because they overcome a limitation or barrier? There’s Christopher Duffley, the autistic child who became a singing sensation (about whom I wrote recently). It’s not that his voice isn’t good, but would the masses celebrate his performance if he were neuro-typical, developmentally?
Do we admire people because they conform to certain specific physical ideals? When you think about the fact that Americans keep electing presidents who are tall, thin men, it sure seems like that form of admiration is alive and well. I’m not suggesting that it’s bad or wrong, but pretending that we’re “past that” is probably delusional.
There are many reasons to look up to another person, but one thing of which I’m certain is that when the admiration starts making us feel bad about ourselves, insecure or jealous, or hopeless about our future because “we could never be as good as they are,” it’s time to start admiring new people. There’s no time in my life when I think about this issue more than in talking with my daughters about who they admire, and why.
Young women, especially, are simply inundated with images and models (yes, I mean that in both senses of the word) that conflate aspiration with dangerous idealization. Don’t get me wrong, admiration can certainly be aspirational – a sense that we look up to someone who, for whatever reason, we’d like to be more like. That’s a great thing. But when those we admire become so idealized that our admiration and aspiration create pain and a feeling of powerlessness, it needs to stop.
So bring on the ideals – be they physical, moral, or in any other sphere – as long as they suggest possibility and create opportunity. Or am I missing something?
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”