Jesus may teach that it is better to give than to receive, but it may be that receiving is actually the more difficult task, at least when it comes to compliments. Most people are actually quite generous when it comes to offering compliments. Accepting them is a whole other deal.
Personally, I often find it really difficult to simply and graciously accept a compliment. How about you? As this video from the “Science of Love” folks demonstrates, a lot of us shrug off compliments, counter them with self-deprecating responses, or find other ways to avoid affirming the positive things just said about us.
You know, we don’t have to affirm someone else’s words of praise. And as the video shows us (though I think the producers themselves miss this, their most powerful insight), all we need to do is say, “Thank you.” That’s it. In fact, those two words need not even be seen as agreeing with the offered compliment. That may be asking too much of some of us.
Those two words, “thank you,” are simply an affirmation of the person who offered us their kind words. And even the most self-deprecating among us typically are fine with nice things said about others. So go ahead, just say, “Thank you.”
Of course, this is a “two-fer” in that evidence suggests that affirming others actually builds our own sense of self. Maybe that’s one reason that giving can be thought of as better than receiving. It’s not so much a celebration of selflessness, as it is a wisdom regarding how to build a healthy sense of self.
When we experience ourselves as giving, we are actually both giving AND receiving at the same time.
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”
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