When I look at the world today, I see many things I wish I could repair. I see climate destruction, inadequate care for the vulnerable, and the erosion of kindness, respect, and curiosity in our polarized public discourse.
In the Jewish calendar, we are well into the season of teshuvah, translated both as “repentance” and “turning back.” It is a heartbreaking time for deep reflection on our individual and collective moral failures.
In this week’s parsha, Ki Tavo, Moses instructs the Israelites on the curses and blessings that God will bestow upon them based on whether they follow God’s commands. These passages present a system of spiritual physics based upon our behavior. If we do x, we will receive y. If we obey God’s commands, we will be blessed (Deuteronomy 28:1-2). If we sin, we will be cursed (Deuteronomy 28:15).
Those of us with lived experience know that the reality of sin, punishment, merit, and reward is more complicated than our parsha’s formula. First, it does not explain how those who commit egregious moral transgressions still prosper in this world. Second, it implies that any evil that befalls the faithful is a natural consequence of immoral behavior, rather than the inexplicable tragedy we know it to be. Finally, this formula can give us a false sense of control over our lives, leading us to disappointment.
Rashi points to a more complicated way of understanding our parsha. One of the blessings the Israelites will receive for obedience is in Deuteronomy 28:6: “Blessed shall you be in your comings and blessed shall you be in your goings.” Rashi teaches that this verse means that your exit (goings) from this world should be like your entry (comings) into this world – without sin, belo’ cheit (cf. Bava Metzia).
This interpretation raises two important questions. First, Biblical Hebrew has a rich vocabulary for describing sin. Cheit does not describe a severe transgression or rebellion – instead it connotes missing the mark. How can it be that any human being can live without sometimes falling short?
Second, this interpretation reveals a logical contradiction. The reward for following God’s commands is sinlessness. How can it be that the reward, sinlessness, precedes the behavior that merits the reward?
This week’s parsha presents an incomplete picture of sin, punishment, merit, and reward because it does not include teshuvah. If the blessings and curses from our parsha describe spiritual physics, teshuvah is all about spiritual metaphysics.
Engaging in the practice of teshuvah is not simply acknowledging our wrongdoings, making amends with those we have harmed, and committing to live differently in the future. These actions are fundamental components of teshuvah, but there is something much deeper going on.
Millennia ago, David modeled for us the heart-transforming nature of teshuvah. In Psalm 51, he acknowledges his sins, transgressions, and iniquities in a litany of confessions. He asks that God give his soul a good scrub: “Wash me thoroughly of my iniquity, and purify me of my sin” (Psalm 51:4). He then asks God to create his heart anew, much like a newborn: “Fashion a pure heart for me, O God; create in me a steadfast spirit” (Psalm 51:12). He then teaches that “True sacrifice to God is a contrite spirit; God, You will not despise a contrite and crushed heart” (Psalm 51:19).
David teaches that the most important component of teshuvah is a broken heart. The breaking of our heart center is what allows the divine flow to wash over us from within and purify us from sin. Teshuvah is heart-breaking and ego-busting. We have limited to no control over this aspect of the process – we cannot purify our own hearts.
Despite our lack of control, our divine bath doesn’t end with our feeling refreshed. Instead, we must become active participants in our own teshuvah, working to repair relationships with those we have harmed and committing to live differently in the future.
For Ashkenazi communities, the prayers of Selichot start this Saturday night. Sephardic communities have already been saying these prayers since the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul. These prayers are an invitation to go deeper and let our hearts break with our pain for the world and our own individual and collective culpability.
My prayer for us all this year is that we experience the mystical power of teshuvah purifying us from within. And I pray that our purified hearts strengthen us in our renewed commitment to work for a better world in the coming year.