A recent study about people with relatively new significant others has come to the conclusion that being in love essentially makes you stupid – or, rather, less capable of distinguishing relevant from irrelevant information. We’ve all had romances, relationships or other emotional issues distract us from the task at hand. Is that type of preoccupation the equivalent of becoming dumber? Or could it be us getting smarter and re-focusing on our true priorities? According to one researcher, the results of the study prove that if you’re in a relatively new relationship, you’re spending “a large part of your cognitive resources focusing on your beloved.” Watch below for more details.
What this really highlights is that what counts as relevant depends on a whole lot of variables going on in our lives. Just as there are different kinds of intelligences (intellectual and emotional, often referred to respectively as IQ and EQ), perhaps we should think of different kinds of attention. Not that slacking off and self-indulgent daydreaming are great habits, but it’s possible that the “inability” measured by this recent study points to some people’s innate preference for re-ordering their sense of what should command their attention when.
Clearly, if you’re distracted to the point of failing to accomplish tasks which we’re nevertheless required to do, that’s a problem, especially if you’re unaware that it’s happening (or an attention issue is a medical problem which might be effectively treated with medicine). On the other hand, maybe our inability to focus on daily matters when we have love on our mind is our biology’s way of saying: “Wake up and pay attention to what REALLY matters!”
Focusing appropriately on love and focusing on work (or obligations or deadlines) both matter, and the issue isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s all about balance: Struggling to accomplish certain tasks effectively when we’re in love and finding ourselves preoccupied by the object of our affection could be a sign that we need to actually step back, and allow ourselves the time and space to cultivate love in our life, and make sure our relationships actually stay healthy.
Far from making us stupid, being in love – distractedness and all – may actually make us smarter, and guide us toward nurturing the relationships we have with those who make our lives fuller.
Listed for many years in Newsweek as one of America’s “50 Most Influential Rabbis” and recognized as one of our nation’s leading “Preachers and Teachers,” by Beliefnet.com, Rabbi Brad Hirschfield serves as the President of Clal–The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, a training institute, think tank, and resource center nurturing religious and intellectual pluralism within the Jewish community, and the wider world, preparing people to meet the biggest challenges we face in our increasingly polarized world.
An ordained Orthodox rabbi who studied for his PhD and taught at The Jewish Theological Seminary, he has also taught the University of Pennsylvania, where he directs an ongoing seminar, and American Jewish University. Rabbi Brad regularly teaches and consults for the US Army and United States Department of Defense, religious organizations — Jewish and Christian — including United Seminary (Methodist), Yeshivat Chovevei Torah (Modern Orthodox) Luther Seminary (Lutheran), and The Jewish Theological Seminary (Conservative) — civic organizations including No Labels, Odyssey Impact, and The Aspen Institute, numerous Jewish Federations, and a variety of communal and family foundations.
Hirschfield is the author and editor of numerous books, including You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism, writes a column for Religion News Service, and appears regularly on TV and radio in outlets ranging from The Washington Post to Fox News Channel. He is also the founder of the Stand and See Fellowship, which brings hundreds of Christian religious leaders to Israel, preparing them to address the increasing polarization around Middle East issues — and really all currently polarizing issues at home and abroad — with six words, “It’s more complicated than we know.”